Clay Held » Writing Exercises http://www.clayheld.com I read. I write. I get lost a lot. Wed, 01 Feb 2012 19:11:01 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 Note to my Amnesiac Self. http://www.clayheld.com/2011/11/11/writing-exercise-note-to-my-amnesiac-self/ http://www.clayheld.com/2011/11/11/writing-exercise-note-to-my-amnesiac-self/#comments Fri, 11 Nov 2011 12:00:45 +0000 Clay http://www.clayheld.com/?p=139 Prompt: Write a note to yourself that you’d want found in your wallet if you were ever to have total amnesia. 200 words

* * *

Congratulations! Everything you ever hated about who you were is gone. Not having all that baggage really puts you ahead of everybody else walking around. I’m jealous.

You should probably eat. If somebody is around ask them politely to get you a cheeseburger. If they are on the phone wait quietly until they are done. Make sure to ask for bacon on it.

It’s unclear when you might wake up, so if it’s dark outside, stay where you are until the sun comes up, and be sure to listen for any sudden noises. Loud noises could mean trouble. Or the mailman. Also you have four cats and they are probably hungry, and you can’t share your cheeseburger with them. You’ll find a tub of cat food in the pantry.

You should be in your own house. You will need to confirm this. Look around for pictures of you with your wife. Also the black and white cat hates you, so don’t be surprised if she runs from you or growls when you’re near.

You decided a long time ago that you wanted a beard, and you’ve had one for several years. This needs to stay this way.

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Prompt from Jorge Evans, Managing Editor of RockSaw Press.

]]> http://www.clayheld.com/2011/11/11/writing-exercise-note-to-my-amnesiac-self/feed/ 0 50 Things that Pave the Road to Hell http://www.clayheld.com/2010/07/16/50-things-that-pave-the-road-to-hell/ http://www.clayheld.com/2010/07/16/50-things-that-pave-the-road-to-hell/#comments Fri, 16 Jul 2010 11:34:57 +0000 Clay http://www.clayheld.com/?p=228 This morning we present 50 Things that Pave the Road to Hell. The Road is strewn with many wondrous things, possibly including (but not limited to ) any of the following:

  1. Oversight
  2. Adverbs
  3. Attendance Concerns
  4. Memos
  5. Meetings
  6. Oprah Proteges
  7. Youtube Videos
  8. Family Guy Quotes
  9. Pop Music
  10. Denny’s
  11. The FreeCreditReport.com Guys
  12. Duckface photos
  13. Teenagers
  14. Hipsters
  15. Will Ferrell movies
  16. Andy Samberg
  17. One-Dimensional TV Commercials
  18. Early Morning Radio Talk Show Hosts
  19. Bitching About Video Games
  20. Arguing Politics
  21. American Idol Hype
  22. Window-Thumping Bass
  23. Loud Motorcycles at 3AM
  24. Perpetual Middlingness
  25. Facebook Ennui
  26. First Drafts
  27. Other Drivers
  28. Local Commercials
  29. Awards Ceremonies
  30. Oscars Hype
  31. Managers
  32. Michael Bay Movies
  33. Cellphone early-termination fees
  34. Alarm Clocks
  35. Smooth Peanut Butter
  36. Long Doctor Office Waits
  37. Fanboys
  38. Animals Wearing Clothing
  39. Exposition-heavy radio commercials
  40. Reality Television
  41. Deadbeat neighbors
  42. Generic Soda
  43. Nerd Rage
  44. Overly-enthusiastic Cosplayers
  45. LOLcats
  46. Low Rent Music Covers
  47. FOX Network Programming Decisions
  48. iPhone rage
  49. Informercials
  50. Internet Arguments
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