Archive for July, 2010

50 Strong Images

1 year ago
by Clay in ,

Stephen King says in his wonderful memoir On Writing that imagery is what allows the reader to become a sensory participant in your story. I believe him. Without imagery, your story has nowhere to happen. Only by creating a place for your story do you allow your characters room to move, to grow, and to surprise you.

Today’s list contains fifty images designed to invoke something within your mind’s eye. If they do, then I win. If they don’t, then I lose. And if, for a moment, that image takes you to another place–clicks your mind’s eye over to another view, so to speak–then I win big time.

Note how in almost each example the image is active. Each image is doing something. Except for taste imagery, which tends to be more passive, but I feel this is because when tasting, the subject is almost always the taster, not the taste.

Some are bonus images, in that they appeal to more than one sense. Most are written in the present tense and use that omnipresent you to help sell the image.

  1. A red apple sitting on a wooden table
  2. A trumpet hitting a high note
  3. A dog rubbing against your leg
  4. Garbage rotting on a curb
  5. Sweet, cold cherry pie
  6. Sunlight glaring off a car window
  7. Asphalt burning under your bare feet
  8. Sour lemonade puckering your lips
  9. An icepack chilling the skin around your ankle
  10. A car squealing its tires
  11. Thunder rattling a building
  12. The coarse fabric of a cheap pillowcase scratching your face
  13. A crowd of teenagers egging on a fight
  14. Cigarette smoke floating in the air
  15. The momentary feeling of weightlessness when you’ve just been hit by another vehicle on the road
  16. Very hot food burning your throat
  17. The civil defense siren blaring
  18. Loud bass thumping the windows
  19. A sink dripping
  20. Sawdust laying on the floor
  21. Quiet music playing
  22. Shadows crawling across the room at sunset
  23. Snow piled up along the curb
  24. A cat sleeping under a rocking chair
  25. A carved skull reflecting moonlight
  26. An old book gathering dust on a table
  27. Condensation gathering on the outside of a glass of tea
  28. A shaving razor slipping against your skin
  29. A dog barking after midnight
  30. Flowers blooming after a rainstorm
  31. A bee sting prickling up your arm
  32. Static erupting out of your radio
  33. Sweat sticking to your skin
  34. The sun’s rays beating down on you
  35. A piece of paper slicing your finger
  36. Bleach stinging your eyes
  37. The mild whiff of antiseptic hanging in the air
  38. A crowded market bustling with people
  39. The needle from an immunization or IV pinching your skin
  40. Graffiti covering a wall
  41. A loose hair tickling your forehead
  42. A dark sedan following you across town
  43. Mud splashing up
  44. A thumbtack poking your foot
  45. Donut crumbs sticking to your fingers
  46. Your stomach aching after eating something undercooked
  47. Bad breath hitting you in the face
  48. A kitten nuzzling your hand
  49. An air conditioner humming
  50. Red ink staining your fingers

50 Bizarre Juxtapositions

1 year ago
by Clay in ,

Juxtaposition, or Contrast, is the smashing together of two disparate things to create interest–the things of human interest stories. Cats and Dogs. Orange juice and toothpaste.

Contrast doesn’t have to run on polar opposites. Direct opposition is the realm of tired cliché. Take the classic example of a clean freak and a slob–done to death. Can we think of something that’s off at a right angle that goes in a new direction and draws a new, interesting comparison? Instead of a slob, why not a survivalist? A voodoo priest, or better yet, a priestess?

The list below is sporadic, and at times bizarre. That is on purpose. Some are situations, some are just vague concepts, and some are character driven. The key component behind every example is using differences to compel the narrative.

  1. A minister paired with a cat burglar
  2. A blizzard during a funeral
  3. Circus music during a final exam
  4. Kittens and militias
  5. A craft store in a skyscraper
  6. Environmental activism and exorcisms
  7. Vegetable gardens and store mannequins
  8. A middle-aged NASA engineer and a homeless person
  9. Graveyards and cotton candy
  10. Jazz music playing in the desert
  11. Catfish and Socialism
  12. Riverboats and Fairy Tales
  13. Banks and the SAT
  14. Skydiving and church
  15. Motivational posters in a mortuary
  16. Depression and roller coasters
  17. Railroads and Tropical Islands
  18. Kleptomania and the National Forest Service
  19. Pie charts and Pulp Serials
  20. A steamer trunk in Ancient Greece
  21. A Boxer who loves Hello Kitty
  22. Horoscopes for Dogs
  23. Finding Three Wishes along with a Mysterious Sealed Envelope
  24. The Apocalypse and your High School Prom
  25. A war vet and a stolen painting
  26. Werewolves and Candygrams
  27. Hypochondria and Time Travel
  28. The Deep South and Sea World
  29. Bears versus the US Army Corps of Engineers
  30. Cowboys and Quakers
  31. A stage magician who becomes a detective
  32. Crop dusters and the homeless problem
  33. High blood pressure and Dreaming
  34. Tombstones and Puppets
  35. Heaven and razors
  36. Teenagers and Cholera
  37. Circus Clowns and the Internet
  38. Double Vision and Lawyers
  39. Mirrors and Weather Forecasting
  40. Cats and Wolves
  41. Thunder and Accordions
  42. Children’s Birthday Parties and Alcoholism
  43. Ants and Nudity
  44. Birds and childbirth
  45. Bald people and angry spirits
  46. Beards and Felonies
  47. The Russians and The Moon
  48. Whale poaching and the Girl Scouts
  49. Kindness and Insanity
  50. Snowmen and pants

50 Causes of Writer’s Block

1 year ago
by Clay in ,

If you write, then you know the feeling of being unable to write. You want to, but try as you might, that magical force doesn’t respond well to commands. And why should it? It’s not as if the Muse is out anything just because you aren’t making the grade.

The Muse is a fickle lady, and she doesn’t just grant her gifts on anybody and everybody who sits down and declares “And now I write.” In fact, I imagine if the Muse is even in the room at all when such declarations are made, that she stifles a chuckle and goes back to reading her magazine.

Writing is not easy, and we as writers make it hard on ourselves. We have bad habits, bad expectations, and bad outlooks. Some of them are internally created, others are external, but they are forces at play on us when we sit down to write.

The Muse never smiled down on anybody who didn’t first sit down and put their nose to the grindstone, churning out page after page of work until–maybe, just maybe–they had produced enough to convince the Muse that we’re serious here damnit, put down that magazine, and work with us.

Until you have created a suitable offering, be prepared to face any number of stumbling blocks. They come in all shapes, all sizes, and they can sneak up on you. They can be important in their own right (most are), but in the context of writing they are hindrances. They often find their way in under the crack of your study door, and it’s important catch them early, and not ignore them, but put them back where they belong–outside your study, where you will get to them once the Muse has finished her reading.

“And now I write.”

  1. Over-thinking
  2. Under-thinking
  3. Television
  4. Phone calls
  5. Unexpected Visitors
  6. Research
  7. “Research”
  8. Illness
  9. Video Games
  10. Pets
  11. Internet Connections
  12. Loud motorcycles
  13. Yard work
  14. Bills
  15. Weather
  16. The Day Job
  17. Chores
  18. Music
  19. Public places
  20. Self doubt
  21. Fear
  22. Forgetfulness
  23. Over-planning
  24. Boredom
  25. Success
  26. Failure
  27. Relationships
  28. Death
  29. School
  30. Expectation
  31. Entitlement
  32. Ignorance
  33. Overly critical nature
  34. Biting off too much at once
  35. Perfectionism
  36. Pretention
  37. Anger
  38. Allergies
  39. Not turning inward
  40. Lack of Enthusiasm
  41. Disappointment
  42. Holidays
  43. Neighbors
  44. Resentment
  45. Setbacks
  46. Misconceptions
  47. Exhaustion
  48. Uncomfortable chair
  49. Ignorance
  50. Hunger

50 Boring Verbs

1 year ago
by Clay in

Verbs are the pulse of your writing. Weak, bland, ineffectual verbs give your story a weak pulse. Similarly, strong, powerful verbs gives your story a good beat and keep the story moving. Consider the difference between John closed the door and John slammed the door. Sure you could say John closed the door angrily, but then you risk getting adverb sickness.

For this morning’s diatribe, let’s look at 50 boring verbs. I would say strap in and hold on, but instead I’m promising clear skies and smooth sailing. So sit back , relax, grab a beverage, and let’s get going.

50 Boring Verbs

  1. Is
  2. Seem
  3. Look
  4. Feel
  5. Walk
  6. Made
  7. Did
  8. Saw
  9. Got
  10. Had
  11. Talk
  12. Need
  13. Come
  14. Ask
  15. Kick
  16. Punch
  17. Try
  18. Know
  19. Imagine
  20. Think
  21. Smell
  22. Taste
  23. Want
  24. Doubt
  25. Love
  26. Have
  27. Like
  28. Hate
  29. Realize
  30. Believe
  31. Suppose
  32. Astonish
  33. Fit
  34. Owe
  35. Remember
  36. Mind
  37. Belong
  38. Include
  39. Prefer
  40. Promise
  41. Weigh
  42. Matter
  43. Impress
  44. Take
  45. Smoke
  46. Jump
  47. Dance
  48. Hurt
  49. Kill
  50. Curse

 

 

50 Obnoxious Replacements for “Said”

1 year ago
by Clay in

When writing dialogue, there are two main routes you can take. The simple, straightforward approach (which I favor) uses the word said. It’s simple, it’s straightforward, and it doesn’t get caught up in itself or draw attention away from the action.

The second approach, I find, is to use overly flashy, obnoxious stand-ins. These little divas often do your writing a disservice–they distract the reader and shatter the spell you’ve worked so hard to create.

This morning, let us examine a small portion of these overcooked and overused verbs. I will begin with a few personal favorites: not because I find using them actually helpful, but because I find using many of them insane under most circumstances.

If you write, imagine slotting any of these words into your dialogue, then compare them against using said. Inevitably some will still feel that verbs like the ones below add flavor and verve to their writing. Show, don’t tell, right? What better way to sneak in a little showing right in the attribution than to use a flashy little verb, right? Ha ha! I’m a genius, that guy on his website is wrong! Whadda he know, eh?

It’s true, there is some poetic license to verbs like these. I’m certainly not going to campaign to have them outlawed, but I do believe they are shortcuts, and shortcuts only get you from one point to another–they are limited, worn out, and you often miss out on the more interesting sights all around you. When writing, stick to the main roads, stick to action, to description, because they can take you everywhere.

NB: Where possible, we will strive to use the past participle of the word.

  1. Chortled
  2. Guffawed
  3. Yodeled
  4. Shrieked
  5. Snapped
  6. Ejaculated
  7. Exclaimed
  8. Boomed
  9. Denounced
  10. Exhorted
  11. Gagged
  12. Chirped
  13. Articulated
  14. Cajoled
  15. Baited
  16. Barked
  17. Estimated
  18. Acquiesced
  19. Bawled
  20. Beseeched
  21. Scorned
  22. Stammered
  23. Wailed
  24. Yowled
  25. Mimicked
  26. Insinuated
  27. Marveled
  28. Interjected
  29. Hinted
  30. Giggled
  31. Expostulated
  32. Grumbled
  33. Fumed
  34. Cannonaded
  35. Babbled
  36. Admonished
  37. Foretold
  38. Boasted
  39. Blurted
  40. Assented
  41. Droned
  42. Bragged
  43. Defended
  44. Echoed
  45. Advocated
  46. Abjured
  47. Cackled
  48. Enumerated
  49. Sputtered
  50. Cooed

50 Things that are also next to Godliness

1 year ago
by Clay in ,

They say Cleanliness is next to Godliness. I say, there’s more than that. In contrast to our last 50 things, which focused on the negative, this morning we will dive into a bunch of words my spell-checker absolutely can not stand and focus on positive, happier things. Enjoy.

  1. Pretzeliness
  2. Rockinliness
  3. Gardenliness
  4. Playdohliness
  5. Kittenliness
  6. Steakiness
  7. Dr. Pepperliness
  8. Cheap Gasolineliness
  9. Foodliness
  10. Thinkiness
  11. Chuck Berryliness
  12. Poetryness
  13. Three Day Weekendliness
  14. Musiclines
  15. Muscleliness
  16. Rhythmliness
  17. TVliness
  18. BBQliness
  19. Winningliness
  20. Funniness
  21. Cartooniness
  22. Grammaticaliness
  23. Spellingliness
  24. Gummi Bearliness
  25. Jazziness
  26. Cheesiness
  27. Speediness
  28. iTunesiness
  29. Podcastiness
  30. Toys ‘r Usiness
  31. Bearsiness
  32. Steve Carrelliness
  33. Sugariness
  34. Cinnamoniness
  35. Indiana Jonesiness
  36. Jamboreeliness
  37. Hopscotchiness
  38. Butterscotchiness
  39. Disneyness
  40. SciFiliness
  41. Jimmy Buffetliness
  42. Comic bookiness
  43. Roboticiness
  44. Creativitiness
  45. Slim Jiminess
  46. Cupcakiness
  47. Simpsoniness
  48. Funsiesliness
  49. Rollercoasterliness
  50. Ridiculousnessness

 

 

50 Things that Pave the Road to Hell

1 year ago
by Clay in ,

This morning we present 50 Things that Pave the Road to Hell. The Road is strewn with many wondrous things, possibly including (but not limited to ) any of the following:

  1. Oversight
  2. Adverbs
  3. Attendance Concerns
  4. Memos
  5. Meetings
  6. Oprah Proteges
  7. Youtube Videos
  8. Family Guy Quotes
  9. Pop Music
  10. Denny’s
  11. The FreeCreditReport.com Guys
  12. Duckface photos
  13. Teenagers
  14. Hipsters
  15. Will Ferrell movies
  16. Andy Samberg
  17. One-Dimensional TV Commercials
  18. Early Morning Radio Talk Show Hosts
  19. Bitching About Video Games
  20. Arguing Politics
  21. American Idol Hype
  22. Window-Thumping Bass
  23. Loud Motorcycles at 3AM
  24. Perpetual Middlingness
  25. Facebook Ennui
  26. First Drafts
  27. Other Drivers
  28. Local Commercials
  29. Awards Ceremonies
  30. Oscars Hype
  31. Managers
  32. Michael Bay Movies
  33. Cellphone early-termination fees
  34. Alarm Clocks
  35. Smooth Peanut Butter
  36. Long Doctor Office Waits
  37. Fanboys
  38. Animals Wearing Clothing
  39. Exposition-heavy radio commercials
  40. Reality Television
  41. Deadbeat neighbors
  42. Generic Soda
  43. Nerd Rage
  44. Overly-enthusiastic Cosplayers
  45. LOLcats
  46. Low Rent Music Covers
  47. FOX Network Programming Decisions
  48. iPhone rage
  49. Informercials
  50. Internet Arguments

50 Rejected Aesop’s Fables

1 year ago
by Clay in ,

50 Rejected Aesop’s Fables

  1. The Hen and the Heroin Den
  2. The Developmentally Challenged Mule
  3. The Stupidest Badger
  4. The Tadpole goes to the Zoo
  5. Lobster in the Library
  6. The Monkey Robs a Bank
  7. The Goose at the Gas Station
  8. The Dumpster Dog
  9. The Ostrich Rides the Train
  10. The Narwhal Enrolls in Community College
  11. The Giraffe Fires His Cousin Donny from the Family Business
  12. The Stinky Squirrel and the Manic-Depressive Lion
  13. The Horse and the Zebra: Ultimate Showdown
  14. The RoboShark
  15. The Capybara and the Murdering Muskrat
  16. The Lion, The Mouse, and that Armoire We got on Clearance at Target
  17. The Elephant boycotts NASCAR
  18. The Dog who sued Big Pharma
  19. The Chupacabra and the Sasquatch go to Loch Ness
  20. The Angriest Ant
  21. The Cat whose Curiosity Ended Awesomely
  22. The Scorpion Who’ll Stab You Because He’s a Goddamn Scorpion
  23. The Hungriest Mosquito Goes to War
  24. The Tortoise who really loved The A-Team
  25. The Dodo who Wasn’t
  26. The Kleptomaniac Toucan
  27. The Rascist Zebra
  28. The Boy without a Stomach
  29. The Sad Walrus takes it out on his friends
  30. The Sad Walrus starts to slip at Work
  31. The Happy Walrus who knows it won’t Last
  32. The Bricklaying Octopus
  33. The Gorilla Who Hated Eggs
  34. The English Pelican
  35. The Rooster and the Other Rooster
  36. The Crooked Flamingo
  37. The Pig Who Loved Bacon
  38. The Orangutan gets Audited
  39. The Cow and the Alligator go to Las Vegas

 

 

50 Original Pulp Serial Titles

1 year ago
by Clay in ,

Tonight we feature 50 original pulp fiction titles. I decided to take a silly, irreverent approach to writing these. I hope you find them entertaining.

  1. The Tale of the Haunted Murderer
  2. Death Follows not the Dead
  3. I Died Four Times Too Many
  4. Midnight’s Midnight
  5. Super Dead
  6. Commander Visceral
  7. The Clone’s Treasure
  8. Princess of Time
  9. The Closet into Nowhere
  10. The Sewer Wolves
  11. Darkly Twisted the Ax
  12. Nightmare of the Pirate King
  13. Comets!
  14. Swiftly Walked the Reaper
  15. Castle Oblivion
  16. Castle of Oblivion
  17. Time Death
  18. The Exploding Gravedigger
  19. Ant Doctor
  20. The Hall of Detective Nobodies
  21. Amazonian Robots of the Third Reich
  22. Dwarves of the Moon
  23. The Red Dog
  24. Time takes not the Train
  25. Hotel Dismemberment
  26. Twenty Four Hours Earlier…from Death!
  27. The Rusted Clock
  28. The Sunken Cafe
  29. Trouble on the Murder Express
  30. I Knew Who I Killed
  31. Werewolf Zeppelin
  32. Mermaid Carnivale
  33. Gypsies Followed Me Home
  34. Breakfast of the Damned
  35. The Cloud of Skulls
  36. Lady in Red, Lady in White
  37. Dappy Dusseldorf in: The Case of the Hoodwinked Habberdasher
  38. The Golden Spider
  39. The Macabre Mansion on Murder Mountain
  40. Butlers Aplenty
  41. Send Flowers to my Mother…I’m Dead
  42. The Dead Don’t Dance Like They Used To.
  43. GORGOK: SWAMP HUNTER
  44. Journey to the Center of the Moon
  45. Not Earth…Moon
  46. Fire From the Clocktower
  47. The Astonishing Amusement Park of Aristotle Armando
  48. The Hills Feel No Pain
  49. The Dumpster into Yesterday
  50. Claws of the Handmaiden!
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